I listened to the crap that flowed

And saw the arms held wide for sizing

The lying bunch, it was hard to take

As the pile of scales kept rising

I asked if I could join their group

Cause I did a bit of fishing

And that’s out in the bloody sea

Not in a pub and wishing

They seemed a bit upset with me

One glared at me still snarling

‘Have you caught a fish like this smart arse?’

As he dragged out this big Marlin

‘Well, that’s not bad’, I did concede

‘Though it is a little skinny’

‘I got five like that before daybreak’

‘Out there in me twelve foot tinny’

‘The fishing here is pretty grim’

‘It’s not like way down south’

‘And when I talk, believe me mate’

‘Its truths out this here mouth’

‘It’s just two months ago today’

‘this comps run every year’

‘It goes for four days on the Ninety-mile’

‘Where you live on sand and beer’

‘Well, me and me mate we entered it’

‘Though we did not hope to win’

‘Cause to win this ones like the Melbourne Cup’

Lots of smackers in your bin

The first morning me and me mate threw out

Me mate on heavy line

Now to settle back, have a can or two

For living, this is fine

Next me mate got a strike, but we don’t know what

And his fishing line went screaming

As he held it and I grabbed him

It’s fair dinkum, no bloody dreaming

Well, he played it all day till his gear it was shot

Now me mate used all his cunning

He had bought lots of gear, from the shop up the road

He would throw out with new bait on running

Now this hungry big thing kept taking new bait

As my mate held him firmly offshore

We rung up the navy suspecting a sub

But they said, ‘None, we’re ready for war’

‘The time kept on going, the publicity grew’

‘Then at last it swam near to shore’

‘But so did two oilrigs attached to the line’

‘With pipes still attached to a bore’

‘Then we saw it, a flathead, the size was unreal’

‘It must have been a hundred or more’

‘Its skin was like rhino, or tougher than that’

'And it’s mouth, opened wide like a door’

‘With a couple of four wheelers, we dragged him to land’

‘And up to the comp, weigh-in site’

‘But my mate, it just killed him, it all was too much’

‘For the comp, it had finished that night’

‘Now you lot get the picture, it’s not hard to see’

‘We look after our prize-fish down south’

‘Not let some yank or bloody film star’

‘Throw a wacking big hook down their mouth

‘So we don’t tell the nation, just an odd one or two’

‘You blokes should consider yourself lucky’

‘Cause, I’ve now let it slip and you’ve been told of the best’

‘Where we live on big fish not Kentucky’